Couples Therapy

Couples come in all different types.

It doesn’t matter whether you have a term for what you and your significant other are or whether you are just growing together as people. You are looking for how to be the best for each other without losing who you are, so you can help each other thrive.

Some things we would discuss include whether you are on the same page about the most important things for each of you, as well as whether you feel comfortable with your partner. The person you’re in a relationship with now affects who you are as a person compared to past relationships.

It’s not just you. This is everybody who has ever been in more than one relationship! Think about the interactions you’ve had, even in family relationships that are significantly different, and how you feel and how you act versus with previous partners.

The purpose is to find a way for couples to feel happy, be themselves, and enjoy time apart. At the same time, they can enjoy the time they have together with as little stress, frustration, or even discomfort as possible.

Express your feelings while finding common ground.

My approach to working with couples is somewhat different from that with individuals, as there are more people involved.

I try to get to know each person individually and hear what they really want and need from their partner, and what they feel is expected of them. Moreover, they need to feel they’re either already giving it or unable to give any more.

While working with individual clients, the relationship is based on their happiness and living their life to be happy long-term. Whereas, working with couples, it’s about making sure that you two are enhancing who you are together as opposed to pointing out how opposite or different you are from each other.

Couples therapy is about finding a different ground that helps you get excited about aspects of your relationship that may have fizzled out.

The process occurs in stages.

We start by getting to know each of you. I take a different route to couples therapy because I feel like the current way couples therapists do things does not immediately set up a safe space. That being said, I will only do couples counseling for those who are willing to do three sessions with me individually before both of you come together to talk with me.

In my opinion, talking with each couple separately at the start allows each of you to speak with me fully, openly, and vulnerably, without worrying about the other person’s reaction if you share what’s going on for you. My concern is that if we don’t do this, some bigger things don’t get said because of the fear of having the conversation or what people may perceive as going to cause an argument.

After these initial interactions, we will discuss what you want brought up in sessions and what you may not want to say directly, so I can raise a question you may be wondering but don’t feel safe asking your partner. This helps me ask questions that allow exploration on both sides, without calling out one person or making one person defensive. As a result, we can keep the tone more conversational while getting answers from the person who may have the things they want brought up, but don’t feel comfortable bringing them up themselves.

After these explorations, we will discuss the changes and boundaries you are willing to set and hold, without allowing them to become expectations that are unrealistic or unfair to follow through on at least 80% of the time.

Gain clarity through couples therapy.

I can’t guarantee that all relationships will continue to work after we work together. What I can guarantee is that I will work to make sure both people in the therapy session feel heard, and that the other person is listening when they speak.

Our sessions will also allow us to challenge and set boundaries in the relationship, to discuss whether it is workable for both people. If someone in any relationship is unhappy, whether it’s a couple or friends, there needs to be some change. Based on this, you can discuss things more freely with someone who can mediate when things may frustrate your significant other.

I also think that, through this process, you will have a clearer view of what reality is in your relationship, rather than hopes and dreams or sadness and failures.

For more information about my approach to couples therapy, please get in touch with me today through the form below.